analinn (analinn) wrote,

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 Happy 4th everyone! Ok, so I have only had 2 dry wheat waffles this morning, and graham crackers around noon. I will not eat anything else the rest of the day. I may have red wine later. I am lucky that I dont have any celebrating that involves food at all! While I was away , I gained weight. I still teach my classes, and just went thru step training. But I was eating normally and gained. My current weight is 120. I know it is disgusting to me!!!!!! My friends say that my muscles are more defined and that i look good. I see my soft belly and fat cheeks, and I get that sick disgusting feeling. I am starting to really restrict and purge again. I was at 126 last week. I am in counseling, so I have to be careful. My husband makes me go, although I cancel appts alot. My counselor is about to move, so I will be off the hook soon. My husband had a heart attack about a month ago, so I try not to rock the boat. You know, choose your battles, dont sweat the small stuff!
It is ironic that the focus is on my eating!! He is very overweight, and still has a blocked artery. He overeats, and gets really upset if I mention what he needs to be doing for his health, he finds it easier to focus on mine. He had two stints placed in his heart and he is only 36. My worry is on him!!! We have our troubles, but I dont want to lose him.
So...I think I have rambled enough. My goal is still to get to 89lbs, and I will not lose focus of that. Everyone have a fun and safe day. Hugs

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